Arnab Goswami : Good evening to our viewers. Today we have with us, In this exclusive interview brought out by your news channel and your news reporter and your newsreader on your tv in your house through one of the best satellite networks in this country, Times Now, a person who has in the past few weeks gone from being a widely adored youth icon to a condemned useless stand up comedian who is believed to have caused a huge fall in the IPL TRP's, Ranbir Kapoor.
Ranbir Kapoor : (rehearsing notes) Thank you Mr.Goswami. Its my pleasure to be...........
Arnab Goswami : (interrupting) Mr.Ranbir Kapoor, please do tell our viewers how you feel when people don't laugh at your jokes.
Ranbir Kapoor: It feels sick. Its been a childhood disorder for me.
Ranbir Kapoor : Yeah. I haven't been able to. People never laugh at my jokes. Even if I do comedy films. I visited all great comedians - Amar Singh, included - to teach me how to do comedy. But it didn't have any impact on me.
Arnab Goswami: Mr. Kapoor, (in a low voice full of earnest sincerity) tell me frankly now (dropping the voice even lower for an added dramatic effect), why did Deepika Padukone leave you ? Was it because of this very same tendency that you have told us about now ? Did she leave you because of your awful sense of humour ?
Ranbir Kapoor: Er... Dunno...
Arnab Goswami: Tonight on this show, Mr.Ranbir Kapoor, would you like to confess that Deepika left you for Siddarth Mallya because Sid could make her laugh once in a while?
Ranbir Kapoor: No.
Arnab Goswami: Now that you have confessed about what went wrong......
Ranbir Kapoor : Er... I said no !
Arnab Goswami: Please do not interrupt me Mr,Kapoor ! As I was saying, Now that you have confessed about what went wrong, what would you like to tell Deepika if she is watching us on "Frankly Speaking with Arnab" on your channel, Times Now, in this exclusive interview ?
Ranbir Kapoor: You left me and so.... I removed you from my Docomo family plan. Saavu Po!
Arnab Goswami: Now that is indeed threatening Mr.Kapoor. Which brings us to the next segment of this interview. Your Docomo ads have caused death of thousands of frogs across the country. How do you feel about it sir ?
Ranbir Kapoor: I have nothing against frogs. In fact I was myself a frog before I became human!
Arnab Goswami: Mr.Kapoor, (dropping voice low again), you are telling me that you are a frog at one point in your life ? How did you become human then ?
Ranbir Kapoor: Haven't you ever heard of that frog who became the prince after kissing the princess ? That story was based on my life. Almost a biography. Its a famous fairy tale dude. Go read some books.
Arnab Goswami: Mr.Kapoor, (dropping voice low again), you are telling me that you are a frog at one point in your life ? How did you become human then ?
Ranbir Kapoor: Haven't you ever heard of that frog who became the prince after kissing the princess ? That story was based on my life. Almost a biography. Its a famous fairy tale dude. Go read some books.
Arnab Goswami : Mr.Kapoor, what would you like to tell, when people call you a mass murdering maniac and compare you to Hitler ?
Ranbir Kapoor : Hitler is not a mass murdering maniac. Neither am I. She is a hotel heiress, a rich girl who often gets drunk and laid, but the similarity ends there.
Ranbir Kapoor: (laughing) Dude, Hitler and Hilton sound so similar. (seriously) Anyway, who the fuck is that Hitler guy ?
Arnab Goswami: (Astounded, but quickly recovering) Mr.Kapoor, the BCCI has in a recent statement blamed you for the fall in IPL TRP's. What is your take on that ?
Ranbir Kapoor: Seriously ? That bunch of crap eating, cash swallowing, over weight, under worked, mud wallowing hippopotamuses said that ??? Screw them. That drunkard bastard Vijay Mallya must've paid them to say that. Just to get me further away from their latest family investment, Deepika. They are deliberately........
Arnab Goswami: (interrupting) Sir, you just created a new record for the longest ever reply to Arnab Goswami, the exclusive newsreading interviewer, so I'm afraid I have had to cut you across.Now according to you, the Mallya's are conspiring against you. First they took away Deepika, now the BCCI is blaming you for the IPL failure this time. Why do you think they are doing this ??
Ranbir Kapoor: No Idea....
Arnab Goswami: Oh My God, Ranbir !! What have you done !!
(From nowhere, a voice suddenly breaks) GET IDEA 3G ....... !!! (and from the heavens, drops Abhishek Bachchan)
Ranbir Kapoor: Oh fuck !!! Who Let the Dogs out ?!?!
Abhishek Bachchan: ......... 1..... 2...... 3......
Ranbir Kapoor: 3 Abhishek Bachchans ?? Doomsday is here !!!
Arnab Goswami : (in exasperated tones) Due to certain environmental difficulties, your channel has been forced to prematurely conclude this totally exclusive edition of "Frankly Speaking with Arnab" with Ranbir Kapoor on Times Now tonight at 8 pm. To watch the full interview, tune in to Times Now later. For continuous and live and exclusive and comprehensive and accurate and "we-brought-it-first-to-you" coverage of the day's top stories, continue watching Times Now. Till then, its Goodbye and Good Night from us !!
